By Owen Quin author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues
Jesus, the indignity of it all. Mother Nature destroyed the Belfast bingo halls! Life’s tough enough without having no bingo to go even if it does smell of piss and death. If I had thon bitch Mother Nature by the throat right now I’d slap the mouth clean off her.
Zombie stuff in general isn’t much fun with the death and destruction so I thought it was time to have a bit of fun. Hence bingo hall haunting Belfast pensioner Nelly Waters was born. I love gregarious, straight to the point tell it as it is but love a bit of gossip Belfast elderly ladies. They are great raic and a rare breed. I could listen to them all day so I just had to have one in the books.
No Dentures Zombie etract: ‘My mouth is much bigger than my 5’ 1 frame let me tell ya. Maggie Moore was winning too many times at bingo to be luck. Not even a leprechaun with a pot of gold and a field of four leaved clovers has that kind of luck unless of course she knew a certain bingo caller so well that she was pulling a few balls of her own. Not that I’m one to gossip you understand. I simply comment on the facts as I see them.’
However so far it seems that Mother Nature’s plan to wipe out humanity was fool proof but what if a fiery old pensioner from Belfast could be the loophole any resistance fighter needed to win?
You see Nelly is unique among zombies.
What use is a zombie with no teeth? My dentures fell out when I turned and it’s not as if I could put them back in. I’m as much use as tits on a bull. What does Mother Nature want me to do now? Suck people to death?
So how did Mother Nature make such a mistake? Maybe as referenced in Zombie Blues 3: The Zombie With All the Answers, neither God nor Father Time agreed with Mother Nature’s plan and Nelly may be an indication that God managed at the last minute to put a dent in the apocalypse. With no teeth there can be no eating of anything else. Nelly’s story is a bit of fun to lighten the mood after the Kid and Ice Queen zombies. Hopefully I’ve been able to conjure not only a convincing fun character to make you smile but one that accurately captures that fun bit of Belfast culture I’ve loved for a long time. It’s the sort of humour Belfast comedians like James Young and May McFettridge that have kept us entertained all these yeaars.
To read Nelly’s story get your copy of Zombie Blues 2 here https://www.amazon.co.uk/Zombie-Blues-2-Owen-Quinn/dp/B084DGVGVG/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=zombie+blues+owen+quinn&qid=1613905321&sr=8-2