Why We All Must Watch Chief O’Brien’s Suicide Story

By Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues

Photos copyright Paramount

Mental health is such a huge issue and for men, especially these days, a subject that to a degree remains taboo. Many do not feel “Manly” by admitting their feelings and issues. Revealing to someone that you, the man, are breaking down mentally and feeling like life is no longer worth living is difficult to admit. But it is vital. Everyone has been there. I have been there. Some days I still am and to a degree I am a hypocrite because I will put on the mask and bury this pain until it goes to sleep; at least until it wakes up again.

Suicide leaves scars that never heal especially when it is so unexpected that we spend the rest of our lives wondering were there signs we missed? We feel responsible for not seeing the pain in someone we may see every day and love so much. But mental health is very good a hiding behind the clown.

Chat shows, podcasts, social media and adverts tell us all to take off the mask and open up to someone, anyone. Television shows, especially the soaps, run storylines highlighting the issue and put up adverts at the end credits telling you that if you are affected to contact certain organisations. Sci-fi is equally a vital platform for this and to be honest I can’t recall many. Two stand out though; Doctor Who’s The Doctor and Vincent brutally explored Van Gogh’s mental health illness. Tony Curran is superb as the troubled painter and the Doctor is visibly thrown by the switching moods. One minute he is screaming at the Doctor in tears, the following morning Vincent is all smiles.

But the one that stands out for me is the Star Trek Deep Space 9 episode Hard Time. Dublin born Colm Meaney gives the most heart wrenching masterclass in portraying someone on the very edge of suicide. It is ridiculous that sci-fi shows do not get the recognition they deserve because this is a prime example of a performance that makes you cry and at the same time delivers the message without ramming it down your throat. When a performance on screen makes you feel uncomfortable because you see something of yourself or someone you know/love in it, it is time to listen.

So let’s go back to the beginning. Chief Miles Edward O’Brien is the everyman of science fiction. He is a grafter, loves a beer, goes to work everyday, loves his family and is the man you can depend on in a crisis. He is loyal, honest and the best friend you can ever have. Ask Julian Bashir. O’Brien is the one most likely to swear in front of the captain; the one that will cheer Bashir up by taking him to Quark’s holosuite for a visit to the Alamo or the Battle of Britain. He befriends the underdog like Rom the Ferengi.

He is the Chief. And that word alone conveys to everyone on Deep Space 9 and on the Enterprise that he is the rock they can depend on.

In Hard Time the Chief wakes up believing he has been in prison for 20 years. Accused of spying, he undergoes an alien mind therapy that lets him serve out his sentence in his head. In reality a few hours have passed but for O’Brien life in Starfleet is a long lost dream.

When Kira brings him back to the station, it is clear that O’Brien is disorientated. His memories of the prison and the reality of being back in the real world throw his perception. While Kira tries to reassure him that the prison was fake, he tells her it was real to him. His best friend Doctor Julian Bashir keeps everyone away when O’Brien returns to the station. When Julian asks did he interact with anyone in the prison, O’Brien says he was totally alone. In reality via flashback we see he had a cellmate, Ee’char played by Craig Wasson. Ee’char is funny, amiable, delighted to have someone to talk to after 6 years of isolation and teaches O’Brien how to draw patterns in the dirt floor to pass the time and let his mind free itself from the cell.

Bashir tells Keiko, O’Brien’s wife that what her husband experienced was intense and are memories as real as the ones he had before the therapy. Here we get to see the assumption that O’Brien will be fine because he has been through a lot previously. Bashir lists the Cardassian war, when he was taken by the Paradans and his kangaroo court trial at the hands of the Cardassians. Bashir says O’Brien has always survived. He will be fine with time.

How often have you heard that in your lives? We see that the person has survived that or gotten through that. They are made of strong stuff and could have been worse but at the end of the day, just because someone survives something doesn’t mean it hasn’t scarred them. It can fester in the background coming to the fore in those quiet moments. It can be triggered by the slightest of things.

When O’Brien asks the replicator for Cheelesh fruit, the machine does not recognise it. It was something he ate in prison. O’Brien is shaken and when he meets Keiko again, he has forgotten she is pregnant with their second child. He cannot even return her embrace at first. The pain on his face as they hug is obvious. He is sullen and quiet.

O’Brien is sent to counselling but it is clear he is lying to everyone even Keiko. When she remarks that it must be strange to have a family again he answers that he was alone for so long again perpetuating the lie to the outside world when inside is a very different story.

But his actions again betray that his head is not quite there. At the dinner table he begins hoarding food in a napkin because he was literally starved in prison. He doesn’t even realise he is doing it until Keiko mentions it. He even sleeps on the floor without realising it.

Does that ring any bells with any of you? Does someone you know suddenly act out of character? I don’t mean by exploding and shouting but subtle small gestures that they are not aware of. Again this is a sign that something else is going on inwardly.

Worf spends time with him playing darts and offering to go kayaking but the fun isn’t there for O’Brien anymore. He begins to see Ee’char on the station. Bashir is watching him closely as both his friend and doctor. When he pulls O’Brien for not attending his counselling sessions, O’Brien yells at him. He turns on him angrily telling him he hasn’t missed his smug, superior attitude. He warns him that if he knows what’s good for him, Bashir will stay the hell away from him. These two are best buddies, like brothers so to see O’Brien threaten Bashir is disturbing. Meaney looks like he could actually hit him as all the frustration and anger boils up inside him. he just wants to be left alone.

There’s an old saying, you take it out on the ones you love. When you are hurting it is inevitably and always the people you love most you lash out at. We as the audience know O’Brien has a secret that is killing him mentally and is not coping even though he is back to work.

In flashback we see O’Brien beginning to crumble under life in the prison. He shouts at Ee’char just as he did Bashir, threatening him and destroying his sand drawings. We get to see that his mental health began to deteriorate while in the fake scenario.

O’Brien’s mental health continues to spiral as he attacks Quark, threatening to break his arm for not serving him quick enough and almost hits his daughter, Molly. He has conversations with Ee’char. He pushes him away just like everyone else but Ee’char insists he needs him more than ever, Ee’char tells O’Brien he is worried about him but the Chief insists he is fine. When Ee’char pushes as to why he is here, O’Brien tells him he doesn’t know nor care. Distancing himself from life and people is getting the Chief attention he does not want. He is running away from everything including what’s in his head.

Sisko knows that O’Brien is worse than he appears to be and insists he get to counselling and is fooling no-one except himself putting him on medical leave. Sisko is frustrated but that echoes real life. The people that are around us notice and denial and pushing them away are not a solution. It leaves them in a limbo when they know the person they care about is sinking but cannot do anything about it. All they want is for them to say ‘help me’. Here O’Brien angrily confronts Bashir again and tells him he never asked for his help. When Bashir snaps that he didn’t need to ask because he is his doctor and friend, he doesn’t realise that Ee’char is standing behind him urging O’Brien to ask for help. O’Brien explodes that he is not his friend anymore because the O’Brien he knew died in the cell. Bashir thinks he is talking to him but O’Brien is using the same anger to push Ee’char away as he is using on his best friend.

None of them can see what O’Brien sees. His world doesn’t match the one they are in so he is floundering, drowning in his own confusion. Isn’t that how we all feel sometimes? That people don’t see what we see; that they don’t understand and that the best thing to do is go away. In our heads we no longer fit to be in anyone’s company because the person they knew is not there anymore. So what is the point if we are the only voice in the world? Guilt is destroying O’Brien’s world and when he and Ee’char clash we discover that O’Brien is pushing Bashir away because friendship now means pain. In his head, O’Brien is protecting his brother from another mother because O’Brien no longer knows himself or trusts himself so how can he expect Bashir or anyone else to know and love him? In his damaged perception O’Brien is a danger to them all and he needs to go. He is trapped by his own thoughts and no avenue to vent them except on those around him. Even Dax gets it in the neck and she adores the Chief.

Lost especially after roaring at and nearly hitting Molly, O’Brien smashes up a cargo bay. He snaps and sets a phaser to maximum to blow his head off. Bashir finds him with the phaser under his chin ready to die. He is going to kill himself to keep everyone safe from this new dangerous version of O’Brien. Meaney actually looks like he’s crying here as he finally admits to the existence of Ee’char and how O’Brien murdered him. They were starving; O’Brien was going crazy with hunger. They go to sleep for the night but he sees Ee’char taking food from a secret hiding place. He attacks him calling him out for not being a friend and kills him accidentally. He doesn’t realise Ee’char only did it at sleep because the guards would not be about to take it from them.

Ee’char was O’Brien’s best friend as is Bashir. He hates himself for being an animal. He took a life for a scrap of bread. Bashir talks him down. If the old O’Brien was truly gone then he wouldn’t be feeling as he does. That is why Ee’char is appearing to him because O’Brien’s mind is trying to save him. And isn’t that part of the dangers of mental health; what they see is not what is in front of them. Their perceptions see a false reality they cannot cope with causing them to meltdown. Meaney here would bring tears to a stone. Ee’char finally says goodbye as O’Brien comes to terms with what he did.

Bashir stops his friend from taking his own life because O’Brien finally admits what he is going through. If he had died then his family and colleagues would have forever wondered why. They would have been haunted by a million ‘what-ifs’ and ‘could have beens’. It echoes life as the person suffering keeps it all in and has no self worth. That lack of self worth projects on to their nearest and dearest with bouts of anger and rage directed at whomever is in the way because it is not what the person with the issue has. Taking that first step to talk is so important but sadly not everyone has a Bashir to check up on them and prevent a tragedy from happening. Someone once said never underestimate the size of the hole you will leave in the lives of those those you leave behind. I know one time I was ready to go, someone said to me that if I did anything stupid, a lot of people would miss me. I couldn’t see it and still can’t really but I appreciate those around me. I love those around me. Sometimes a few words is all it takes to break a dark spell. We have people all around us desperate to help. Kirk once said that the most important three words in the English language are not “I love you” but “let me help.” If the friendship is strong enough then all it takes is a nod of the head; there won’t always be hugs because a lot of people still don’t hug especially men but that bond is strengthened by the smallest of acknowledgements.

The shocker is that ordinary Joe Bloggs Miles O’Brien is not beyond mental collapse. He has so much to live for; strip away the sci-fi trappings and you have a working man who has a young daughter and a pregnant wife. He has a good job and friends that love him. There is nothing there he can complain about. No one is immune from this; it can affect anyone at any time even those you think have a perfect life. But that is part of the false perceptions; living fake lives to make the mundane reality feel good.

And yet when he has a breakdown, none of that matters. He believes that they would all be better off without him in their worlds. His secret is such a dagger into who he is as a person that he can’t cope with it. His self worth is destroyed because he did something he never thought he would do; murdered his best friend over a piece of bread.  O’Brien prides himself on being a loyal friend and yet he commits this act.

How many times have we said that in real life? How many suicides have there been where you just cannot understand why because there were no signs. O’Brien is lucky because his friends know him better than he does right now. There are warning signs. Look at the people you care about, maybe not love but work with and laugh with because you never know.

Now there is no perfect solution here. There is no reset button. O’Brien is prescribed drugs for his condition and they use the word depression. In the 24th century they can cure cancer and fly through the stars but depression is still very much an issue and still very much the reason we should take a moment to take stock. When I went to kill myself there was no plan, no list; I just snapped and went to do it there and then and nothing was going to stop me. What did stop me was the fact that there were no tablets to take for an overdose that night.

Now this is just one aspect of mental illness; it is not the whole spectrum and circumstance but it contains the elements that we need to look at and discuss. There are people that display on outward signs. So it is important check on your circle regularly.

Show this to someone, anyone and see if anything triggers with you about it. At the story’s end O’Brien has a long way to go and you are left in no doubt that it is going to be a long road. But now he recognises that he has a network round him that will love and support every time he falls. Look around you and for the first time see, really see those that will take your hand and save you from drowning.