The Time Warriors and Beyond

Doctor Who The Giggle Review Spoilers

By Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues

So this was it; the episode where everything changes and a new era begins. But was it worth the wait? Was the hype justified for a 60th anniversary? The return of an old face, an old enemy an updated UNIT and nuggets of faceless foes for the future all blended in with the departure of the not only the Doctor but what we knew about regeneration.

When John Logie Baird televised the very first image on television, it was of a ventriloquist dummy called Stooky Bill. He bought the dummy from a toymaker’s shop owned by the Celestial Toymaker. He implanted a giggle in the head which burned itself into every screen and electronic imaging device in the world. Now with the world totally connected by the internet, the signal has driven everyone mad. Everyone now believes they are right from the ordinary person to politicians to kings and queens. Strange; I’ve been like that for years. it must have affected me early….

Neil Patrick Harris was superb as the Celestial Toymaker. His changing accent and dancing in the street as a French Man were just a prelude to his Spice Up Your Life entrance into UNIT. This was a brilliant moment compared to the Master’s Rasputin number and not cringe worthy at all. It just added to the over the top character as he revelled in the game with his old foe. Yet in his quiet moments was poised like a snake ready to strike. Did you know that Harris wasn’t in the running for the part until he was suggested by one of the producers? They knew he could sing, dance and cut cards, everything they needed the Toymaker to do and once sent the script, had to do it.

Tennant’s fear is palpable when he realises who he is facing as the world burns around him. The human puppet on a string is creepy and unnerving as are the Burtonesque puppets that attack Donna. The Toymaker apparently was let into our reality thanks to the Doctor’s salt trick at the edge of reality in Wild Blue Yonder. I find this hard to swallow to be honest because as we discover the Doctor’s regeneration from 113 to 14 when even his clothes regenerated had nothing to do with the Toymaker. Ignoring this when they keep referencing the Flux is sloppy. Are they really expecting us to believe that the Doctor is in so much inner pain that he can now regenerate outfits as well?

I can accept the notion of a biregeneration but not nitpicking the bits leading to these specials just to suit the story does not sit well. If they have the balls to mention a disaster like the Flux and it was the final straw for this Doctor’s literal breakdown but water down the clothes regeneration as her at the time simply wanting to come home to be with Donna is Chibnall worthy. No, it would have been much better to have the Toymaker kickstart this three parter out of amusement and revenge. Indeed yuo could still have doen the regeneration the same way but as a unexpected side effect of the Toymaker’s game. It’s time travel so the Doctor’s future actions influence the present; cause and effect.

UNIT have now become the Avengers Tower but drop the robot. However It was a very welcome surprise to see Mel Bush back working alongside Kate Stewart and having seen her in Power of the Doctor, we know she works alongside Tegan and Ace too. Also note Martha presumably still works for UNIT too. Thankfully her return was not a mere cameo but a full integral role. Her computer skills are at the fore and we even get a glimpse of an unseen story as she tells the Doctor what happened after she left him on Iceworld. After Sabolom’s death she came back to Earth. Her family were gone when she returned to Earth. As a new member of the Noble family it brings an unity to the history. I loved the line that Donna wasn’t the first red head in the Tardis. Mel’s presence also reminds the Doctor that his past is mostly good and she becomes a vital part of his regeneration. Mel will once again team up with the new Doctor in upcoming episodes.

One moment that brings a smile and is a great example of this unity is when the new Doctor asks Mel what she thinks of his new self. She says he is beautiful. The fourteenth Doctor leans in and says that she means still beautiful while Donna leans in and asks if he comes in a range of colours. The physical and comedic timing is impeccable as past and future stand together to defeat the Toymaker.

I mentioned nuggets for the future and we get them in spades. The Master is trapped inside the Toymaker’s gold tooth which is retrieved by someone with red nail varnish ala the Last of the Time Lords. It was lovely to hear all the previous Master’s laugh here. The Toymaker’s legions are coming too. Who is he who waits that scares even the Toymaker? Who is the Boss mentioned by the Meep? What is Mel’s role going to be in the upcoming fight?

So my question really is where is the 60th celebration? Was the Power of the Doctor it? Where are the other Doctors? The closest we come to is the Doctors talking in the Tardis about the journey they have taken. So many old adventures mentioned as this new exuberant Doctor, healed from the guilt of so much death and destruction in their wake thanks to the fourteenth Doctor needing a family to belong to. The mention of Adric is welcome but the reveal that they have lost Sarah Jane brings a chill. The Master’s laugh as I said, the fifth Doctor regeneration reference, “Feels different this time”, the Eccleston final moments regeneration score and Mel calling the Doctors fantastic recalls Eccleston and a variation on the Brigadier’s splendid chaps all of you quote. We also learn the Black and White Guardians were turned to voodoo dolls by the Toymaker and the Archangel Network is mentioned. Also talking with eyebrows is how the third Doctor (Jon Pertwee) introduced himself to Liz Shaw when he was exiled to UNIT and fought the Autons for the first time. Oh and God was turned into a jack in the box. It reminds us the Whoniverse is still churning in unseen stories. What we get is a mere glimpse. This along with the Doctor’s pep talk to himself is the celebration. So many stories, so many memories; friends we have lost, the friends we have found again. It is through Mel and Donna that he sees that he was nev forgotten but loved still. Not even decades across time and space can break those bonds. The Doctor just never let himself see them. Indeed could it be his meeting Sarah jane again as well as Jo Grant been a sign that he was subconsciously coming back to them on pupose like he did Donna?

Doctor Who is a legacy. Each and every person that has fought with him, died with and for him and left him are indelibly burned into his hearts. He doesn’t look back because it hurts too much. Like mental health and stress if you don’t open up and let it build, you will burn yourself out and fall apart. The biregeneration is a way for the series and the character to begin afresh.

We have seen this theme right from the ninth Doctor’s Time War survivor guilt to the twelfth Doctor refusing to regenerate because he cannot go on. The Doctor needs to stop and be loved as part of a family unit that shows him that he has done the right thing; a home where he is reminded he is loved in between the battles. They are the reason he fights. It was Sarah Jane that once told him in Journey’s End that he acts like a lonely man but he has the biggest family on Earth. If he took a second to look back he could see Davros was wrong; the Doctor does not turn his friends into weapons. He makes them better versions of themselves to fight the good fight and see the universe is more than just a tweet or instagram post.

He finds that loving home with the Nobles and Mel in the Noble’s garden having lunch. The simple joy of sitting down for a meal with people you love is precious. No monsters and no end of the world, just simple food and welcome company. Now that Donna has bagged a £120,00 with 5 weeks holiday a year job from UNIT she can afford it. Another great touch. I wonder does Mel, Ace and Tegan know?

This is a series reset at the end of the day with shades of sam Beckett was in control of the leaps all the time taste. You know the old saying that a person cannot be helped unless they want to be helped? Well here’s perfect example. Only the Doctor will listen to himself and when the new Doctor takes the old broken one in his arms, it speaks that it is okay now. You can stay and find what he has sought for so long with the Nobles. His new self can continue their journey free from guilt and anguish as is seen in the Christmas trailer with a new relish for life. And how exciting is it that there are now two Doctors roaming the universe? Of course the Meep labels the Doctor as the creature with two hearts so will the Boss come after the Tennant version and bring them together again? Who knows?

I have to mention the wheelchair access Tardis and I have to say I agree. It was a running joke for years as to K9 managed it. Having been a wheelchair user for a few months now I can tell you just how disabled unfriendly the world is. Places I took for granted I will never be able to go into again. It is embarrassing to have to rely on someone to tilt you back in your chair so you can access a house. That is if you have someone to help you do that.

Independance or rather the feeling of being independent is vital to anyone disabled given people do treat you differently. I am delighted that people especially children now have that in their heads that they too can join the Doctor aboard the Tardis because he cares for everyone. That’s the power and magic of Doctor Who. Even I can board the Tardis in my new state when before I walked just like everyone else. But keep the woke out. Asking wheelchair Shirley is it is okay to say parked a wheelchair gets my blood boiling. I will park my wheelchair where I want. There is no other word for it. And if you’re offended by that word go away. But if I wasn’t in a wheelchair I’d be rolling my eyes. I now have a new perspective and isn’t that really what this story is about? The Doctor gaining a new perspective through his own self. Ain’t that what he does with his companions? Let them see the universe through a new perspective?

I felt that the Star Beast and Wild Blue Yonder were woke influenced to a degree. Rose chiding the Doctor about assuming pronouns grated especially when on entering the Noble house to see the Meep, Rose exclaims “It’s that man!!” So having a double standard in your story just shows the stupidity of this. Representation is a wonderful thing which I try to put into my books on a constant basis but you need to write them respectfully too. You can’t just shoehorn them in for fear of being criticised. Rose is an important figure to many but she needs have her own voice not the writer’s. She is a great chance to show the struggles of a trans person at that age in a genuine and solid way surrounded by such down to earth characters as Donna, Shaun and Sylvia. I felt her pain when she was taunted in the street about her transitioning and would have threw a brick after the wee shits. Already I’m being protective of her which is exactly what I should be doing if the writing is spot on but keep agendas out of it.

But that is something we need work on. Times are changing, not all for the better so the show must too in order to survive. These three very different episodes were worthy additions to the Doctor Whoniverse and resolved and rebirthed a lot. Each very different in style and content. The last two especially impressed. Let’s face it, the Jodie Whittaker era was a disaster so their only hope was bring back the tenth Doctor as the fourteenth and resolve the Donna Noble story. They wanted to draw viewers back and hopefully Ncuti Gatwa will restore the golden age of Doctor Who wearing trousers this time. I think we are in for something very new but comfortably familiar at the same time in the months to come.

Doctor Who The Star Beast Review. Spoilers

By Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues

Matthew Perry Tribute: The World Pauses

By Owen Quinn author

By Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues

Matthew Perry once said that “There’s nothing better than a world where everyone’s trying to make each other laugh.”

And in the wake of his death that’s all I can see. The laughter and joy he brought to the world through his performance as Chandler Bing on the ten year run of Friends. What’s flooding back to me is all the Chandler moments that kept us entertained and his Odd Couple double act with Joey. I can hear Janice’s laugh, see the fear when he dated one of Joey’s sisters but couldn’t remember which, in bed with Monica in London, losing baby Ben on the bus, his transgender father, the duck and taking in a new roommate.

His sarcasm influenced the world and they fell in love with him. We all took on his mannerisms when dealing with our everyday lives and inwardly became our version of Chandler. Or we used something he had said in one of the episodes to make our point.

With the reruns, millions still do the Chandlerisms so it’s hard to accept that while we are all revelling in happy memories and moments from the show, Perry saw it through very different eyes. He saw his pain, his addiction and with every season what addiction or pain he could pinpoint. While he revealed all this in his recent book Friends, Lovers and a Big Terrible Thing., he also went public, speaking about his pain to help others. He was the master clown to us with his sharp timing and quick wit but behind the laughter was a deep pain. I believe that when he brought it out to the public, he saw just how loved he really was regardless of anything else. His humour never faltered even when discussing his addiction.

Like Robin Williams and Paul O’Grady, when the world thinks about Matthew Perry they will smile at all the joy he brought and today amid all those tears of sorrow, there will be equally be as many tears of laughter as we watch him in all his glory in Friends.

Rest easy sir because you were and always will be loved.

Forgotten Villains: Quantum Leap’s Evil Leaper

By Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues

I was recently made aware of just how many movies and television shows the younger generation have never heard of, never mind seen. So to that end, we look back at some characters you really need to see before you kick the bucket.

“We’ve clawed our way out of hell to land simple assignments like home wrecking and adultery. You don’t want to go back to the horror we lived through before.”

For every yin there’s a yang, for every Batman there is a Joker but for Sam Beckett, his nemesis came in the form of a leaper that undid the good he did. While multiple leapers is nothing new for the new series of Quantum Leap, back in the original series it was Sam and Al alone jumping through time.

Sam had previously leaped into the body of Jimmy, a man with Down Syndrome who was destined to be put into an institution if Sam didn’t prove that Jimmy could be a functioning member of society. It really is one of the best and heartwarming episodes of the show. Sam sorted it all and to his surprise he once again became Jimmy in Deliver Us From Evil. His initial delight was quelled by the realisation that the life he had fixed was slowly being unraveled. Jimmy lived with his brother Frank (Seaquest’s John D’Aquino) and sister-in-law Connie (Laura Harrington) as well as his nephew Corey. Frank and Connie’s marriage is falling apart and Frank is on the verge of having an affair. Corey is deeply unhappy and will run away never to be seen again if Sam doesn’t stop him. When Sam confronts Connie he grabs her by the arms. This triggers an energy surge and Connie is revealed to be a leaper named Alia. She comes across at first as delighted to meet another leaper as she thought she was alone and is trying to get home. Sam is delighted that he is not alone and has many questions. Al is not so sure and advises caution.

Alia has a holographic helper too in the form of super bitch Zoey (Carolyn Seymour). She has a hand held device similar to Al’s and they are both serving a computer called Lothos. Alia is being forced to leap with Zoey her keeper. She urges her that this could be the leap that gets her home so Alia has to complete Lothos’ commands. They are part of an evil version of the Quantum Leap project in which they must undo everything Sam has done. Alia’s mission is to ensure Jimmy is put into an institution and destroy Frank and Connie’s marriage. But with the reveal of Sam’s existence, she is ordered to kill him. She engineers a situation where she and Jimmy are alone. After spinning Sam a story about the loneliness she feels as a leaper, she asks him to make love to her. But suddenly she is gouging her cheek with her fingernails and ripping her dress, to make it look like Jimmy has tried to rape her. She pulls a gun and threatens to shoot Sam. He talks her down while both holograms freak out; Zoey urging her to pull the trigger and Al shouting at Sam to move. Sam believes there is good in her as she is being forced to do these things. Zoey reminds her what they have gone through to land simple assignments and they cannot go back to it. Sam persists they are both part of the same coin and cannot exist without one another. Alia does not want to die but doesn’t want to go back to the horrors Lothos has in-store for them. She has killed many people and sees Sam as a way to escape. He manages to get through to her. This causes Zoey and Alia twist and distort as time snaps back to a time when Sam had saved Jimmy and the family. It’s the first time that time has reversed in the show and now Sam knows he is facing a new enemy that he cannot see and could wear any face just like him.

In season five Alia and Zoey return along with another evil observer, Thames. When Sam leaps into a campus nerd that parades as a superhero as a way of coping with his parents’ deaths, he encounters Alia gain. She is there to make sure Arnold is killed but sees in Sam a way to escape the Evil leaper Project. It is a punishment to leap and controlled by Lothos, her version of Ziggy. Sam thinks that if they are touching when they leap then they will leap together and end up in the same place and time. Alia helps save Arnold along with Al who persuades the young man to face his trauma. Now Alia has no idea if Sam’s idea is going to work so for her to take the risk indicates just what a horror show she is desperate to escape. It is more likely that she would be killed if the double leap doesn’t work.

Sam and Alia end up in a women’s prison as inmates Angel and Liz who have been accused of murdering fellow inmate Carol. Alia is now being hunted by Lothos and is on the verge of a breakdown from sheer terror. Sam hypnotises her into believing she is in fact Angel, changing her brain waves keeping her from being detected. Zoey has been forced to be a leaper as punishment for not killing Arnold. She leaps into prison warden Myers who is increasingly frustrated by not being able to track Alia. It’s interesting that they cannot track Sam at all and are relying on locating Alia to capture him too. As a leaper, Zoey is assigned an observer, Thames.

He has a smart mouth and seems to relish in his position of power. But Zoey is not taking any of his nonsense. She comes close to almost discovering that Sam and Alia are Liz and Angel. Alia’s mental state is crumbling and Sam is becoming desperate. Al gets Ziggy to reconfigure the prison’s electric fence to help unscramble Thames’ tracking device. Sam discovers what really happened to Carol and persuades sympathetic guard Vivian to help them. Once outside the perimeter, Thames manages to locate Alia. There is a shootout and Alia leaps independently as does Sam once the truth comes out that Myers got Carol pregnant and left her to bleed to death after an abortion gone wrong. Vivian cannot believe that Liz, Angel and Myers were all shot at point blank range but have no wounds. Zoey and Thames are ripped away by Lothos once they reveal that Alia is off their radar completely. Sam takes some comfort in the fact Alia is now beyond the reach of the Evil leaper Project but knows he will be hunted now too.

Thames played by Hinton Battle is almost a mirror version of Al with his smart remarks, fashion sense and seemingly position of power over the fallen Zoey. He is well suited to the task because he is intent on seeing Alia dead and anyone else that happens to get in the way. He revels in the suffering of others. From what we can gather from Alia and Zoey, Lothos controls the entire project and becoming a leaper is forced to do horrific deeds like murder in order to be elevated to simple things like home wrecking. It seems an observer is a step-up from leaper. The inclusion of Thames confirms the theory that leaper and observer go on this ladder of evil together as Zoey states that she and Alia have been a team from the start of their rule by Lothos.

With Quantum Leap’s cancellation we would never get to see that world but with the show’s parameters expanding, it is certain we would have gotten to see Lothos’ cruel world. As we know from the final episode that God has been watching over Sam but does not control the leaps; Sam does. So the inference we can take is that Lothos represents the Devil in the show with the likes of Thames and Zoey demons. Alia would be a sinner condemned to suffer in Hades while Sam and Al are the forces of good. Al could be described as as Sam’s guardian Angel. Indeed they both met a real Angel in the episode It’s a Wonderful Leap. Sam became a New York cab driver who has to get his medallion. He meets singer Angelita who is here to help him and can see Al with whom we get many comedic golden moments. In the Halloween Boogieman, Sam fights the Devil disguised as Al but this was shown to be a dream.

While the new series has their own version of an evil leaper, it is a totally different story. However as it is a continuation of the original series and not a rebbot means that Zoey, Thames, Lothos and Alia are still out there. It would be a missed opportunity to not bring them or a new version of them back to face Ben and Addison. Here’s hoping.

Book Excerpt: Zombie Blues 3: Comparison Zombie

By and copyright of Oen Quinn author of the Time Warriros and Zombie Blues

cover by Conaire McMullan

The zombie rollercoaster continues as the undead continue to give us their view of being a rotting corpse under the control of Mother Nature.
This time round we meet Comic Book zombie and the zombie who thinks the ending of Toy Story 3 is sacrilege. What happens when a zombie’s faith in God is rocked to its very foundation and why is the spirit of Elvis Presley still going strong in the vast
roaming herds?
A zombie tells why the covid pandemic was much preferable to being undead and why having a club foot makes you feel normal as a zombie. Plus more zombie characters than you can shake a stick at.

Available on Amazon now!

Comparison Zombie

It felt like life quickly dissolved into draining a cycle of work, dinner, ten minutes with the kids, Internet, TV and the wife, sleep then repeat.

I’d worked since I was seventeen having totally messed up my A levels and failed them completely. There are points in everyone’s lives where you wish you had turned left instead of right. That was my first one right there. I had shone in my O level results (they don’t even call them that these days) with great grades but instead of picking the subjects with the higher grades, I picked the ones with the lower ones. To this day I have no idea why I did that but there as no teacher standing up to guide us to focus on our strengths. It was a grammar school where sports prowess was prevalent and students good at ports were favoured and almost revered.

Students like me who fell between the cracks of the jocks and the computer nerds sort of tended to fade into the background afraid to speak. Someone else who could kick a ball or write algorithms would more likely be the one who would be listened to.

Not me or those like me; never.

Woulda, shoulda, coulda.

I could never stand tall like those jocks with girls hanging off their arms from no age or who the teachers looked at differently from the likes of me. I was slightly overweight and wore glasses. People like me were the friend that the girls’ loved as a confidant but never saw in the shagging sense. Add to that the biggest thing that affected me from school was I was bullied relentlessly from primary school by the same guy and his gang. There is no easy answer to bullying no matter what anyone tells you. Fucking so called experts haven’t a clue what they are talking about mostly because they have never been bullied in the first place. I’m sure right now you all have an idea in your heads what bullying is but I can tell you bullying is like a dark ripple that can touch your entire life. Every victim will tell you of the isolation and loneliness. You have no confidence because you think that everyone thinks the same thing as the bully. You believe that if you stand up and fight back then you are going to get pummelled to death. There was no one who stood up for me. No one spoke up in my defence even on the quiet. I’m not like that now o course. My tongue could cut steel and I refuse to keep my mouth shut. My wife shakes her head sometimes at some of the things that come out of my gob. I didn’t care. I had been silent for too long. Since I was seven years old and after that fateful day in the playground, I had cowed in the shadows for a quiet life. The other guys around me that I went to school with just seemed to be doing what they should be and becoming men. They got their grades and moved on to what careers they had seemed destined to have. Some got married and were having kids while I just got pubic hair and grew taller. All the time I just got through each day best I could. I’m thankful there was no social media in my day.

No man is an island a friend later in life reminded me no matter how thick headed and independent I was in adult life. So before you start thinking I was a complete pussy let me take you to the day where what I should have done is flatten the bully. With one fist in his face my entire future might have changed.

There was this boy in my class, bit of a div, who was going about one lunch time asking everyone who they loved. He was getting the strangest looks and being told to piss off. I watched him and thought, you prat. Then he came to me.

One question; who do you love? And being the smart arse I was replied, “You.”

The class bully heard me. He leapt on it like a tiger on a gazelle. Suddenly his voice was joined by others, then more. It seemed the entire playground was chanting my name. It seemed to grow until it filled the entire world.

Mickey is a homo! Mickey is a homo! Oh by the way, my name is Michael, Michael Flanagan. I suppose I should have told you that at the start of my tale.

Children of Weapons Twelve Weapons Book 2 out now!

Presented by Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriros and Zombie Blues. Written by James Dwyer

In the first Season of Birth, the Twelve Weapons were born. They gave birth to children, who raised families of their own, and during the Season of Growth the world became a paradise of immortals and their kin. Then the first Season of Decay arrived and the Weapons watched their children suffer. When the first Season of Death arrived, the Weapons murdered them.

In the second Season of Birth, the Children of Weapons were reborn. But they did not forget their deaths, and they did not forgive those who killed them. Now in the Eighth Decay, the world once more prepares for Death, but it is a different death than they would have the Weapons believe.

Ruke, son of the infamous Adelis, Killer of Weapons, sets his sights on the next Weapons he vows to rid from this world. Grylia the Creator, Phapri the Divine, and Rhass the Supreme become his targets, but time is against him as the Season of Death draws closer with every moon.

Laena, beautiful and perfect, and unbearable to be around, is recruited by Ruke along with her brother Hoso, a freak named Fling, and a drunk called Whil. She’s never been surrounded by so many ugly and awful-smelling people in her life, but she figures killing Weapons might be fun.

And Rhalt, son of the dreaded Killer Caze, has returned. For Four Cycles he lived, and learned all he could about the lesser lives he loved, the Crafters, the Giants, the Serpents. And for Four Cycles he was dead, suddenly thrust back into a world filled with Tsiotes, Crataii, Takers, and Meats. Adapting to his new world will be a struggle since for all his lives he suffered the same number of deaths and they have left him broken. Will he become a killer like his father, or will he help rid the world of his mother instead and succeed in killing Rhass the Supreme.

Movie Magic: Zombie sings Britney Spears

By Owen Quinn

The premise of my Zombie Blues books is that behind every dead zombie shell lies the former self trapped in a rotting shell and unable to communicate. While the Walking Dead finally cottoned on to a learning zombie for its final season and Land of the Dead showed us learning and growing zombies. We have seen all sorts of zombies on the big and small screens but we have never ever seen a singing zombie.

In Scout’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, our heroes are fieeing from a zombie attack when they find themselves confronted by a lone zombie on the road. Being the good scout he is Augie (Joey Foster) uses his training to try and scare the zombie away. In his head if you roar at a bear it will find you intimidating and run away. However Augie soon realizes the zombie is mimicking him. Spotting the zombie is wearing a Britney T shirt, he tries a different tact resulting in one of the funniest on screen moments ever involving a zombie.

Video and photos copyright Broken Road Productions

Book Excerpt: The Time Warriors Summer’s End

By and copyright of Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues

They were taken into the hall where many of the villagers, of all ages, were standing silent, their faces locked in a trance. Their lips were moving as if having a conversation but there were no words coming out. They saw Betony sitting on the floor rocking back and forth as if cradling a child.

She looks so happy, thought Jacke as she wandered toward the centre of the hall, watching the Tir infected carefully.

Her heart skipped a beat as she saw Michael and Tyran standing in the middle of the room, side by side. Michael was lost to the same bliss as the Celts but Tyran’s expression was like marble. Managing to nudge Varran, she nodded gently to the others. She saw Tyran’s eyes flicker in her direction. Jacke winked. Tyran winked back. She hadn’t been affected! They sidled over towards her and Jacke took position behind her but close enough to whisper.

“About bloody time!” she hissed quietly.

“Mentara alert,” Jacke said.

“I know.” Tyran turned facing her friend. A Tir glanced in their direction but made no move. Jacke circled Michael trying to read his expression but he made no eye contact with her. He was lost to this hypnosis too. She glanced nervously at Varran who was eyeing the eight Tir guards, their stance stoic, and their weapons in hand.

He started at a blur of movement to his left and saw one of the guards clasp his throat and slump backward, blood spurting from his neck. Another followed before the remaining six lurched forward with a combined roar Aodhan leaped from the floor, a dagger still in each hand wet with blood and spun head over heels in the air, avoiding the swing of the swords like a ballet dancer before slicing downward.

At the same time, Tyran whipped out a pistol hidden in her tunic and fired a red beam at the nearest guard. She ignored Varran’s glare as Aodhan cut the throats of all the guards as they lay unconscious. Varran stared at the bodies, his mouth turned in disgust as the Tir parasites squealed in agony and squeezed out of the dead men’s heads and shrivelled up, their hosts dead. Aodhan nodded gratefully to Tyran before catching Varran’s perturbed expression.

“I told you we protect by any means necessary.” His voice carried no regret, no remorse at all. Varran looked at Tyran, the blond girl staring at the Tir, their insides staining the floor. “Where did you get that?”

“I smuggled it out before we left,” she admitted. “But I knew you’d start complaining and you couldn’t possibly still think we don’t need something to defend ourselves with in these circumstances.” She held his eyes but he knew she had been right.

“No, just don’t rely on weapons too much. The power to kill is very seductive.”

Tyran nodded understanding and looked to the druid cleaning his knife.

“So where did you pick up Jackie Chan?” she asked. “Nice moves,” she added admiringly. Aodhan bowed in thanks.

Jacke looked indignantly at the two of them. “Why didn’t you two do that sooner?”

“I was waiting for you to come back, though if you hadn’t, I would have had to do something myself sooner or later,” she chided. “Besides, laughing boy is no help whatsoever,” she pointed to Michael. He still stared into space. Gesturing for Aodhan to come closer, Varran asked was this normal for the return of the spirits? The druid gravely shook his head peering at the people around him.

“This is something new. Are they caught in a spell cast by the spider demons?”

“So it is the Mentara,” sighed Tyran. She remembered their last encounter all too well. “We need more than this tooth pick,” she advised holding up the pistol.

“We don’t know what’s causing this yet and the rest of the clan is out on the moors probably trapped like this too,” cursed Varran pacing. “Did Michael say anything before they went like this?”

“He said two words, Mom and Dad,” Tyran reported. “I think Betony is seeing her little boy.”

“So the spirits have returned and are working in league with the demons?” Jacke waved her hand over Michael’s face.

“I don’t think so. There has to be a signal making them see their loved ones, some sort of hypnotic pulse. They probably think everything is normal, that Samhain is proceeding as usual.” She turned to Aodhan. “Has the Shield ever done anything like this before?” He shook his head balefully.

“Would me slapping Michael bring him out of it?” wondered Tyran.

“I doubt it, might be dangerous for him,” countered Jacke.

“Oh go on, it works in the movies!” she pleaded. He gave her a disapproving grin.

“What have I told you about hitting defenceless animals?”

Forgotten Villains: Poltergeist’s Reverend Henry Kane

By Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues

By Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues

“He is a man filled with a demon lost in the dimension that surrounds our world. He thinks our world and his are the same. He knows your greatest strength is your love and he hates you for that. He has been trying to pull this family apart and he will continue to try. If he succeeds he will possess Carol Anne and destroy your spirit.”

If you say Poltergeist to the younger generation today they will look at you like you had two heads. But despite emcouraging them to go watch the Poltergeist movies (well the forst two anyway), they are missing out on one of movie history’s most terrifying and iconic villains ever.

Reverned Henry Kane is the human guise of the Beast and intent on claiming Carol Anne as his own like in the first movie. Having been brought up in a religious household, priests popping in at all hours was nothing new to us. It did mean however that we would never get to see the end of whatever episode of Charlie’s Angels or Starsky and Hutch we were watching at the time because there was no Skyplus or internet streaming sites. A priest’s arrival to your home commanded an unpoken respect and certain degree of bowing before him as a man of God, not physically but inwardly. You were on your best behaviour, no cursing and all of your focus was on him as tea and biscuits were consumed even though you were itching to turn the television back on. Indeed the Church’s word was law at a certain part of history so thank God that power didn’t exist when Henry Kane came on the scene. Never has religion been more terrifying.

Played by the late Julian Beck, the impact Kane made is not to be underestimated. This is remarkable as Beck was actually terminally ill during filming so the fact he delivered so beautifully is to be applauded. There is something not right when you look at Kane. He is thin but seems like a kindly old reverend but all of this is offset by that sharklike smile of his. It is almost as if there are too many teeth for that head but given the Beast within, it is one of the few times I’ve felt uneasy by someone smiling. His whole demeanour is that of a kind, charming old man who just wants to preach the word of God but we as the audience know this is far from the truth. Even his clothes seem out of time. The first time we see him is when Carol Anne is sitting at the kitchen table drawing although she doesn’t know who he is or why she is drawing him. The drawing is as terrifying as the man himself. When Carol Anne first sees him at the mall no one else does as people walk right through him. He introduces himself but mom Diane (JoBeth Williams) intervenes. His voice is almost sing song with that southern drawl. But the most terrifying encounter is when Henry Kane arrives at the Freeling home. It is cinematic brilliance from the initial view of his shadow walking the sidewalk and quietly singing a hymn. Jt is hypnotic and his face is almost misshapen. Given Beck’s gaunt appearance and sunken eyes due to his stomach cancer, it adds so much to his perfomance ironically. It is rare to create such a chilling entrance especially in broad daylight and the sun is shining. Suddenly it begins to rain. Kane is focused on Carol Anne in the garden. He sings with every step but the little girl is mesmerised until dragged onto the proch by her mother. There Kane faces all four of the Freeling family. The dog runs away whining at his touch and his request to come ina nd speak to the family about God is refused by Steve. They will talk on the porch. Carol Anne feels ill and is taken into the house. The flicker of frustration on Kane’s face is quickly replaced by that shark smile.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/8WdoyVjYvIw

But this slow, creepy stroll is a prelude for the electric exchange between Kane and Steve Freeling (Expendables Craig T Nelson). It is a battle for the soul of Carol Anne between techniclally two fathers. There is a vampire element here as Kane cannot come in without being invited and his eyes bulge hynotically as he tries to get rid of the obstacle that is Steve. This is where Kane tries to manipulate Steve by preying on his fears for his family’s safety.

As the poltergeist activity has started up again, an Indian shaman named Taylor lives at the Freeling house using his abilities to keep them safe. Kane tries to discredit Taylor as a charlatan claiming the Reverned helps families in crisis against such men. As we learn later Kane is mesmerising, capable of influencing entire crowds to do his bidding without question. He gets into Steve’s head and his fears about not being man enough to protect his family strike home. At the same time his presence is triggering visions in Diane’s head of Kane smiling in a cavern while people die in despair around him. Kane is earnest, he is sincere and almost persuades Steve to let him inside the house but when Steve rejects his plea, the facade falls away. Kane shouts out that they are all going to die and in a plsit second becomes mild mannered again before leaving. As Steve watches both the rain and Kane disappear.

It is later revealed that beneath the Freeling’s old home is the actual chamber Diane sees in her visions and it is filled with bodies including Kane’s. He was head of an apocalyptic cult that believed the end of days were coming and led his followers to this place and sealed them in under the guise of the promised land. But when the day came and went of the supposed end of days, Kane kept them all there to die. He became the monster he is and controls all the souls of his followers. Carol Anne was one of those souls that died that day but she escaped and now he wants her back.

Since he cannot persude Steve, he deides to control him. Steve gets drunk and swallows a worm that is possessed by Kane. Only Diane’s love for him breaks the hold forcing Steve to vomit up the worm which now has Kane’s face. it is grotesque to say the least as it goes down Steve’s throat and worse when vomited back up. Craig T Nelson brilliantly echoes Kane’s mannerisms especially when he begins to sing the same hymn Kane did earlier in the movie. It then becomes a tentacled monster which Steve defeats but another indicator just how powerful Kane really is. There is only one way to defeat him. As a family they must travel to the Other Side and fight Kane there with Taylor and psychic Tangina (from the first movie). Diane has rossed into the afterlife while still alive so she can move between them which explains her visions of Kane’s horror.

Returning to the scene of the first movie and their wrecked home, the Freelings travel across where Kane is a misshapen monster. Only by spearing him while on this side do they defeat him. Kane does not know love so is helpless against the power of a family and their love for each other.

But Kane would return in Poltergeist 3 when Carol Anne is being cared for in Chicago by relatives. This time Kane was played by Corey Burton in heavy makeup. But it wasn’t the same. While many think Poltergeist 3 without the Freelings was a mistake (which it was) Beck’s Kane was so unique and so frightening they could never hope to replicate it. Thye didn’t and the movie bombed. Perhaps a better course would have been to give Kane nother guise.

Julain Beck died on 14th September 1985 at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York before Poltergeist 2 was released. While the critics were not endeared by the sequel, there was no doubt that Beck’s role as Reverend Kane was nothing short of classic. He gave the character everything and if you wth the sne again where he tries to get into the Freeling house by manipulating Steve, his body language is reptilian as he shifts from nasty to nice. Kane will reign forever as the scariest of villains and singing hymns will never be the same again.

Book Excerpt: Zombie Blues Vegetarian Zombie

By and copyright of Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues

“I got outside and realised I only had my hospital gown on which promptly fell off because it wasn’t tied at the back. I was naked…almost. When they do an operation like this, you’re fitted with a catheter. So there I am, naked as the day I was born with a big frigging catheter hanging between my legs. I am scundered, I thought to myself. I tried to remove it but my zombie fingers wouldn’t work. “

For far too long zombies have been seen as the monsters they are not so it’s time for a few changes! Welcome to Zombie Blues where you will discover what really goes on behind those dead eyes and shuffling walk. You will meet ten different zombies each with a story to tell. From Vegetarian Zombie to Kidney Trans[plant Zombie to The Zombie who would be King, you will reevaluate everything you thought you knew about the undead. You will finally get to hear their side of the story. What lies behind their tears and how did the apocalypse really begin? Enter if you dare because everything you knew about zombies is about to change.

VEGETARIAN ZOMBIE

Now don’t get a Save The Planet Zombie confused with a Vegetarian Zombie.

Save The Planet covers virtually everything; recycling, organic food, kill the plastic bag, you know the score. Me? I’m just a plain old vegetarian and people often get the two mixed up. I’ve no idea why but for some reason people think a vegetarian is all about saving the world and battling chemical trails in the sky etc.

Sorry, forgot to introduce myself. I’m Lee Quan and I live in a little town outside Japan. I suppose the name gave it away somewhat but there you go. Now as I was saying, I’m as much for saving the planet as anyone else but I’m not handing pamphlets out to people or battling whaling ships. I still use plastic bags but dispose of them correctly. People with more valour and time than me defend. I just feed everyone.

I guess it kind of started with my grandmother who was an ace cook.

She grew all her own stuff, rarely set foot in a supermarket unless she really, really needed to, bought spices etc from Mr Tsang’s store and never ever used anything artificial. She was a demon in the kitchen and woe betide anyone that got in her way or dared to offer advice on her recipes. She had a mouth on her like a machine gun only the language was much worse.

Even her most meagre looking dishes filled you up and her portions were generous. She was fiercely independent and her language would make Ramsey look like a choirboy but nobody could beat her cooking. MacDonald’s, KFC or the likes of the various pizza chains didn’t appeal. There was something about grandmother’s cooking that left you sated. No, actually it was more than that. Watching her cook was like seeing into her very soul. She poured every passionate fibrous part of her into every morsel. It was not a meal; it was a work of art that encompassed her as a person. To taste her food was to relish in years of culinary experience as sweet and succulent as the very foods she put together. There was nothing like it.

Now don’t think I’m a prude with food. I have tried the Big Mac and every other type of food you can think of but wasn’t fussed. I learned instead how to cook, as I said, from my grandmother and ended up opening my own restaurant.

Actually when I think about it, I didn’t just learn to cook from her. That statement reduces it to something standard and every day. No, she showed me how to think about the meal I was creating, how to focus on the benefits for the consumer. Putting together the ingredients was a formula that only a true lover of cuisine could see. Anyone can cook food but how many truly understood the nature and flow of it all? Do you think the people serving MacDonald’s really thought about the food or the impact on you? A meal should be part of your life experience, not fast or junk as is the norm these days. It should enrich you, inspire you just as she inspired me.

I went back to school and learned all about nutrition. Did you know how much hidden salt, sugar and saturated fat is in supposedly healthy food? I was horrified. Even my diabetic friend was advised by the in-house dietician on what to eat to help his blood sugars was shocked. Their healthy diet for him was riddled with hidden dangers especially to a diabetic. When I looked at what he was eating, I came up with a more natural alternative that not only helped his diabetes but you could literally see the change in his skin and appearance.

I now own a farm where we grow our own food stuffs. In fact, it’s a bigger version of grandmother’s allotment but the principles the same. Everything is natural with no additives and I love it. I feel so blessed to have learned so much from my grandmother and been able to put it into practice.