By and copyright of Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues
“I got outside and realised I only had my hospital gown on which promptly fell off because it wasn’t tied at the back. I was naked…almost. When they do an operation like this, you’re fitted with a catheter. So there I am, naked as the day I was born with a big frigging catheter hanging between my legs. I am scundered, I thought to myself. I tried to remove it but my zombie fingers wouldn’t work.”For far too long zombies have been seen as the monsters they are not so it’s time for a few changes! Welcome to Zombie Blues where you will discover what really goes on behind those dead eyes and shuffling walk. You will meet ten different zombies each with a story to tell. From Vegetarian Zombie to Kidney Trans[plant Zombie to The Zombie who would be King, you will reevaluate everything you thought you knew about the undead. You will finally get to hear their side of the story. What lies behind their tears and how did the apocalypse really begin? Enter if you dare because everything you knew about zombies is about to change.
VICTIM ZOMBIE
I suppose when I really admit it and look deep down, I was always one of life’s victims. Not that I ever set out to be but the universe, it seemed, always had other ideas. It was almost like some cosmic jester took great pleasure in making me the butt of his jokes or look dumb.
For example, when I would meet a girl I fancied, what would come out of my mouth was not what my brain was thinking. I remember one time in particular; I was on a bus going to a concert, Coldplay I think, and ended up sitting beside a very nice girl. It was going fine until I decided to tell her I would probably be sick having eaten a chocolate bar because I get travel sick. I don’t think it was the kind of conversation she was expecting.
The minute I said it, my brain was screaming at me because the being sick sentence was not what my head wanted to say. Needless to say, I never saw her after the bus ride again.
But it’s always been like that for me. I either find out about a job I really want the day after the application date closes or I’m the guy just behind the person that buys the winning scratchcard. I seem to zig when I should have zagged. I discover a celebrity I want to meet is in town only after they have left. I was stuck in a crap job with an asshole boss, an object of mirth for the more confident members of my species. You know the one; the loud mouth jocks that find prey like me easy pickings. I can feel the nervous tremble in my voice when I try to find it funny so as to not give them any further ammunition. I am the skinny nerd that the girls see as a friend. The guy that doesn’t drink at parties so he ends up as chauffeur. And no matter how I try I can’t quite find that streak of luck everyone else seems to have.
My mum, bless her, saw the disappointment in my face, probably etched permanently over time like a stone eroded by a continuous drip. She always gave me that loving smile which helped nothing and said God had a plan. Personally, I think God pissed off long ago.
I’ve cursed him a lot over the years but doubt he’s listening. But then again, that’s a part of me I hate. I can scream and shout like the best of them but it’s all internal. When I fall victim to something I smile awkwardly and allow the world to think I’m okay that they got the girl or got the winning ticket. But in reality, inside there’s another me that’s punching them in the face or sweeping the girl up in my arms and with one deep kiss, she falls for my charms. Well, in my head anyway but I plod on slightly ashamed of myself and feeling it’s just another one of those days. One day it’d probably get better.
So really when I look back, it’s no surprise that I’d end up as a zombie. Just my luck.
Now here I am surrounded by….well, let me tell you how I joined the undead.
Horror has always freaked me so I avoided it like the plague but who doesn’t know what a zombie is? Well, anyway I’d been on my way home from the newsagents where I’d done the lottery. Funny how you buy a ticket and there’s always a feeling you’re wasting your time but at the same time sure you would win but never do.
On my home I pass a trio of tower blocks in between which is a play park of sorts for kids. It leads onto a wooded area and a large pond where suburban kids could see wildlife up close. I spent a lot of time there as a kid and loved feeding the ducks and different wild birds. It also served as a shortcut home. It was a mild day with the sunlight mellowed by the canopy of trees. The air was tepid and the quiet broken with the calls of ducks and birds.
But as I rounded the edge of the path that would take me across to my house I saw a little girl lying on the ground. I stopped in surprise looking around for her parents or any other adults. You know what it’s like these days. You just can’t take the chance but I could hear a choking sound. She was convulsing. My God, was she an epileptic or had she some sort of illness? Every instinct in my being told me to walk on just in case but I couldn’t. What if I was wrong? What if she died because I did nothing? A hundred scenarios ran through my head like a flood and I could make sense of none of them. There was only one course of action. I ran over and dropped to one knee, reaching out to turn her over. I could see her jeans were ripped across the knee and seeping with blood where she had fallen.
The Time Warriors and Beyond 