By and copyright of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues
“I got outside and realised I only had my hospital gown on which promptly fell off because it wasn’t tied at the back. I was naked…almost. When they do an operation like this, you’re fitted with a catheter. So there I am, naked as the day I was born with a big frigging catheter hanging between my legs. I am scundered, I thought to myself. I tried to remove it but my zombie fingers wouldn’t work.”For far too long zombies have been seen as the monsters they are not so it’s time for a few changes! Welcome to Zombie Blues where you will discover what really goes on behind those dead eyes and shuffling walk. You will meet ten different zombies each with a story to tell. From Vegetarian Zombie to Kidney Trans[plant Zombie to The Zombie who would be King, you will reevaluate everything you thought you knew about the undead. You will finally get to hear their side of the story. What lies behind their tears and how did the apocalypse really begin? Enter if you dare because everything you knew about zombies is about to change.
SAVE THE PLANET ZOMBIE
Hi, I’m Lily Taunton from Chicago and I’m a zombie. It’s pretty obvious I know.
Not my first choice to be honest but it’s hard enough to walk about when you’re dead without the added weight of a backpack.
So what’s in the backpack I hear you ask? I don’t? Well, I’m going to tell you anyway because this is my story and if irony had a face, it’d be mine; not the last guy you were talking to.
As you know, Mother Nature did something to bring about the rise of the undead to help clean up the planet from the scourge of humanity. The irony lies in what I did when I was a human.
I was the ultimate save the planet girl.
I sponsored animals in those adverts you see. I joined protests about the ozone layer both in person and online. I recycled, switched to energy saving bulbs, the works. I even got to go on a protest overseas to stop Japanese whaling ships. Any group that wanted help to stop and reverse the damage we as a species were doing to the planet, I was there. I even stopped using deodorant and got a bike.
Don’t be smirking. A girl can keep fresh with an active life while saving the world. That’s what my backpack has in it as well as leaflets and booklets to hand out to people on how the smallest change at home can make a difference.
I used to watch people bustle past me, blindly grabbing the leaflets from me with a grunt of an acknowledgment before dropping it in the nearest bin. That annoyed me and as I watched their retreating backs, I wondered if they had children at home and what sort of world those kids would see, If only their parents took the time to listen just for a moment. Still, at least they didn’t litter.
So it’s ironic that even as an undead, I’m helping save the planet in Mother Nature’s perverse way but stuck in this zombie body. We have no choice and I wonder if I wouldn’t have been better dying in the outbreak. I came out of a side street on the bike and was hit by a car. I remember a thud, the world turning, a pain in my head and then nothing. My last thought was that the driver didn’t watch the caution adverts on TV about cyclists.
I know now the zombie outbreak had started so people were rushing home to their families. It was timed to cause maximum chaos and disruption. I was the ant under the boot so to speak.
I must have died, my neck broken I think because I came to as a zombie. I could feel my head was tilted at a funny angle. My helmet had come off with the impact of the crash and my penny glasses were gone. But the back pack had stayed.
Did I mention I was a vegan too? Now meat, well flesh, is my only appetite. I can’t communicate but I hear the song of Mother Nature in my head. I hear her plan for the extermination of the human race and when the last one dies, the entire zombie nation will simply lie down on the nearest grassy patch and decompose. We will help fertilise the land again.
It’s pretty clear my life and undeath, if you will, was always to follow the path of saving the environment but the zombie part never really figured into the equation to be honest. You’d think it would be the perfect dream for me, complete symmetry knowing that I achieved what my life had been about. The Earth will survive despite all we did to it and that’s good.
You’d think I would be happy with that as a lifelong environmentalist. I’m not because I fought for a better future for humanity, to educate them to what they were doing, not this genocide. Mother Nature would thrive. Human cities would be reclaimed by the plants and trees. There’d be very few mammals though; we sort of eat them too.
Ever wondered about that guys? Why we eat anything that moves except fish and insects and birds? Well, the bird one is obvious. We can barely grab humans or dogs without sufficient quantities never mind something that can sit in a tree and give us one of those looks that only a bird can do. It’s very simple. You know humans taste like chicken to us but we see only an infrared thermal signature
The Time Warriors and Beyond 