To Sit Down and Write, Get Off Your Arse!

                        By Owen Quinn author of the Time Warriors and Zombie Blues

all photos copyright Owen Quinn

I recently did an interview where I was asked what inspires you. When I thought about it everything inspires me from reading a magazine to going to the shops to pumping iron at the gym. A friend of mine once thought some of my anecdotes were made up but soon realised they were all true. Yep, if Quinn goes out, there’ll be a story following him home. From a bald man using a hair druer in the gym changing rooms to dry his balls and in between his toes to a weird man approaching me like he was a doctor when he actually wasnt, even the slightest event, meeting or observation can give you an idea and suddenly you find it in one of your stories.

So to give you an example let me tell you of the day my wife and I took our niece to the Ark farm down in Newtownards. We were meant to go to another farm but it was closed so The Ark was our new destination. It was somewhere we had never taken our son but dont ask me why. Maybe because we spent so much time in the countryside or it had not been around back then so it was all new to me so had no idea what to expect.

And that’s why getting out from behind the keyboard is vital; your expectations are often superceded. So we pay online and get stuck in a massive tailback. When we arrived we were given two bags of feed which said only give to the four legged animals. Our first stop involved sheep, goats, donkeys and to my surprise lamas which I hadn’t seen in ages. It was nice to be so up close and personal to these animals who were obviously used to being fed by humans. And that was where I got my first shock of the day.

One of the donkeys had really big buck teeth and I was volunteered to feed it. It was good to know you are a guinea pig to see if a donkey woth those teeth can actully chew your hand off but sure, the wife needs both of hers since she’s my chauffeur. Well, these teeth scraped my palm and I stood there frozen telling God I needed my right hand for various reasons and arguing with him how cruel it would be for me to lose it to a donkey.

Suddenly I felt something on my left arm. A little grey and white  donkey was chewing on my arm threatening to rip a hole in my new hoodie that cost me £9 in Primark the week before.

I let out a yell as visions of having to tell a doctor in A&E that a mad donkey had taken a chunk out of my arm. No sooner had a yell left my throat that the killer donkey heehawed loudly and repeatedly at me because I valued my arm over its appetite. It got really indignant about it let me tell you. How did Mary ever get to the manger on the back of a donkey? All I can think of it was really well fed and knew it was on to a good thing. Put it like this, come Christmas there wont be a donkey in my manger and don’t ever ask m to spnsor one. Some scars will never heal especially if it was £9 at Primark.

Quivkly moving on from this dangerous animal, we saw hedhehogs, snakes, crickets, frogs and rabbits. I have rarely been up close with crickets but love reptiles so never tire of seeing them. At one point I swear the snake looked at me as if to say get me out of here. How big is a cage to be deemed cruel espeically if you are the only animal in it.

We continued on our way around Ark Farm which included a playground and lake area. Now at this point in time I had bad eyesight due to a hemorrhage so peripheral sight was limited. I was also wearing an aircast boot due to a foot ulcer which slowed me down but I kept going. This was new, this was exciting and what was round the corner?

I daydream as I walk and a few weeks before a buddy of mine and I were talking about devil worshipers and how much they scare me. It’s the fact they could be anyone and that bloody great goat mask is freaky as fuck. Suddenly from my right side a loud Baaa and a head came at me through the wire fence. I found myself staring at the goat mask used by satanists in the movies and near toppled over in fright in my boot. But it was just a goat looking food from a human because it was so used to it. We had fed all ours to the animals up in the sheds so decided that when we returned we would keep some for this goat who was obviously left out all the time because he lived in a  field. So this goat that was about to sacrifice me was now a victim of bad placement and bags of feed that were not big enough.

I wondered how much more I could take as an innocent farm was filled with flesh eating donleys, desperate snakes and satanic goats.

Suudenly I saw a field of reindeer. These animals I love and wanted to go see some up close outside of Christmas so that was another thing off my bucket list. They too sought food and decided again that we would accommodate them when we returned.

Then I was alone.

There was no sign of my family and there were two paths to follow so I went left. I was literally in a  lane with no signs or sounds to follow. To my surprise I found myself in The Jurassic Ark filled with dinosaurs. Entering the dinosaur rib cage entrance I followed the path round to meet the dinos I loved so much and I was not disappointed.

The other path led to a fairy land where gnomes lived in trees with giant mushrooms and up round the corner lived the 3 bears in their cabin. Gnomes vs dinosaurs? Hmmm….

It wasnt long before I found my family and headed back to the car via one last visit to the deer, playground and plastic giraffes. There was lots to see and do and at Halloween and Christmas the farm is decorated for those holidays.

And yet I came away with new experiences and idea sthat I would never get sitting in front of a keyboard and mucning on toast in the house. Not only was it great exercise but really helped focus the mind. Would anyone believe in killer donleys and satanic goats if I hadnt photographed them? Probably not but it makes for a great story which so far has left anyone I tell it to chuckling. How cool is that?

So get out there writers and nonwrtiers. You will have stories and memories that will last a lifetime whether you write them down or not. Remember to watch out for those donkeys…..